Back to school now what??
Top 5 tips to stay grounded in the new school year.
Let’s face it, aren’t all back to to school transitions a bit rocky? I have to admit, I am not the kind of mom who counts down the days until Summer’s end. The start of the school year sends me almost into a state of panic, knowing the ramping up of all the activities and routines– looking at the calendar and wondering how everything is going to fit in. Even if you have an easy peasy go with the flow child, it’s usually a bit rocky for the parents!
Adjusting to new routines, pick up schedules, after school activities, and carpools is no easy task! And if you have a child (or two) who happen to have a tricky time with transitions, well then we really have our hands full. Over here in the Walsh home we are almost a month in: things are starting to even out a bit and I wanted to share some of the new (and old) things we have been trying to help both our children and the parents during the time of transition. Some of these ideas we are only just beginning to feel calm enough to get them started. So whether you are 4 weeks or 4 days in-try to start with compassion for yourself and for your kiddos. New Routines take time to establish. Don’t try to do everything at once and have any expectations on yourself or your children that the mornings and afternoons are going to start off swimmingly! When you’re ready, here are my top 5 ideas that may help!
Play dates! New Classroom? New School? New teacher? My number one tip for helping children adjust to a new school environment is to deepen the connections within it. This is based on what we know about how the brain works. When we feel safe and connected in our lower (limbic) brain, we can then operate out of our higher (cerebral) or learning brain. Scheduling playdates can feel like one more overwhelming thing to do at the beginning of the school year, so make them as simple as possible. Offer to have another child over after school, invite a family over for take out pizza or meet up for pizza in the park! Make it as simple as possible, but these extra connections can make a big difference, especially for children who are slower to warm up to new environments.
Visual schedules! Many of you may know this tool from our preschool or toddler classes. Each start of the school year I try to bring this tool back in a new form.Here are some of my favorites over the years along with my current system of to do and done jars. Visual schedules are great b/c they give children a sense of agency instead of you being the one telling them what to do and all the nagging and reminding that goes with it. Make the routine in charge! I like the sticks b/c there is a physcial element as well and there is a “before school” set of sticks and and “afterschool” set of sticks. You can also do bed time of course!. Getting kids to bed earlier can be a real struggle and having a visual schedule with a cut off time of, for example 8:00pm lights out, helps children learn that the more they delay the bedtime routine, the less time they have for reading at the end of the night. YES there WILL be pushback the first couple of times you enforce this and they will probably not get to bed earlier those nights, but think long game here. Once they know the lights are really going off at the established time, I promise they will start moving through that routine more quickly!
Time-In/Bed Time Sharing! Children need extra time with you during transitions. You may not feel like you have much extra time. Try our tried and true oldest trick in the parenting book and try to give your child 10 minutes of your undivided attention each day. Do you have multiple children? Try even just 10 minutes with ONE child each day. Turn your phone on ariplane mode, set at time and follow their lead. Maybe they just want to explain their lego word to you or maybe you can pretend to be a patron in their store or restaurant. As they get older, it may be a quick board game that you leave out and finish tomorrow or even a walk around the block together. I hear this from parents over and over (and over) though that ten minutes really does make a big impact! Another important way to connect and hear about their day, especially when you get almost nothing at pick up time, is to make time for “bedtime sharing” or “talkies” as we refer to it. Once or twice a week, you may even choose to skip books to create time to connect and reflect at a time of day where children are more likely to open up. I like to start with a day in review. You start with the moment in time right now and work your way backwards, right now we are in your cozy bed, before that we were getting ready for bed, then we had dinner then we were at the park. When I picked you up from school you were outside playing with Lana. Before that you were? Then what? You can ask children to focus on anything they were grateful for or anything that was hard during these times of their day. You’ll be surprised with how much they often share when given the opportunity during this bedtime space.And sure, part of it may be delaying bedtime, but I do believe it is hard for children to stop and reflect in other parts of their day-children are “doers” and as long as there is doing to be done they are doing it! If I give it the time (i.e. shorter books or skip books that night) I do find I can truly enjoy and have had some of my most meaningful conversations with my children during this special “bedtime sharing.”
White Space! With the calendars filling up again between extra curriculars and birthday parties (and yes I still remember Covid and how much I truly missed these!) it is often hard to just have some “white space” on your calendar. White space is defined in graphic design as the “the space found inside and surrounding the other design elements… it’s the background that holds the elements together in a design, enabling them to stand out.” Thinking about white space, or unplanned time, in our family calendars as the glue that holds the family’s events together and enables them to stand out is pretty powerful. I am the first to admit that white space on my calendar makes me anxious and I usually start looking up local events to see what I am missing out on. My husband is the exact opposite and his idea of heaven is staying home each weekend to do some gardening and bbqing in the backyard. As much as I learned to appreciate the social events when they all disappeared during covid, I also promised myself I would never forget the power of white space. This weekend we ended up with an unusually open afternoon. Instead of going to another event, we stayed home and watched the magic happen. Siblings start making up games, chores actually get accomplished and I even opened up a book for leisure reading! Imagine that! This balance between planned and unplanned activities, just like in design or a good music piece, really does create the harmony that our family needs.
Trying new things!! I mean you, the adults in the family, should try something new this school year. A new class, a new hobby, a new interest. Let’s face it, the new school year is kind of like a reset button for the parents as well. You may have a new child or two in school and have a few extra hours in your day, or you may be just as busy as ever. But every start of the school year we manage to find the time and the money to spend on our children and their interests and yet somehow don’t find the time or money to spend on our own. Trying something new can be an extremely powerful way to remind ourselves of the challenges of being young. We often throw our children into brand new activities where they don’t know a soul, but how often have we pushed ourselves in this way? Over the summer my kids wanted to try learning to surf and I easily could have signed them up an watched safely from the shore. However, when they asked me to come along, I felt this little nagging voice saying that maybe I should do something like this, just for the fun and challenge of it. The first day was pretty shocking as I watched my 13 and 11 year olds get up after a few tries. The entire session I couldn’t manage to stand up and the thoughts ran through my head that maybe this was ridiculous, I was too old, or my core was just not strong enough any more. I did not want to get back out there the next day and yet I thought about how many times I had told my children “that Walshes dont give up” and “Walsh’s can do hard things” and I decided to go against everything else that running through my head (not to mention every muscle in my body aching) and get back out there! Miraculously I stood up the second try! I guess I wasn’t too old or too weak after all! It was quite a powerful feeling, and if you haven’t put yourself in a brand new situation recently, or found time for something that serves no utilitarian purpose other than enjoyment, I really do recommend it. After all, in all the hustle and bustle of back to school and raising humans, aren’t we supposed to giving our children a version of adult life worth striving for? And you might just find that you have a new way to connect and empathize with all the transitions our children go through during this time of year.