Is there a post-pandemic 14 day island retreat for moms somewhere? Because I think we all deserve that! After a year of earning our stripes, hope is certainly on the horizon. We may even be gathering with our own mothers again around brunch tables this year, a feat that seemed nearly impossible to most this time last year. I think we are all excited to return to some kind of normal and we will certainly have a brand new appreciation for the simple things in life like dinner parties, coffee with friends, and family get-togethers.
And yet, as much as I am excited to jump back in, I’m also having some anxiety about life starting to spin at full throttle. And from my chats with other parents, I think this is pretty common. So what have we learned from this year in the trenches? Aside from learning that homeschooling is NOT my strong point, there have been some revelations I hope I will carry with me well past the re-entry period.
One is that community and friendship is not something I ever want to take for granted. After a year of loneliness and isolation I have learned that even in the busyness of life, it is so essential to invest in these most precious gifts. In the same breath, I want to remember that unplanned time is also really good for me and for my family. In fact, this is sometimes where the best stuff happens, and a little bit on the calendar each weekend (as ironic as that seems) is going to become a thing around here. And all of the extra time in nature this year has become so important to keeping us all sane, that I can’t imagine life without it going forward.
But perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned this year has come not from the mountain peaks but straight from those times in the desert valleys. Many women find that in becoming mothers, negative self-talk or self-judgement can rear it’s head or become more pronounced. This year I think every mother, at some point, has felt a sense of total failure. We navigated so many completely unknown challenges. From the closing of schools, daycares and the breakdown of our support systems, to the daily questions of how to actually procure food or toilet paper. I had never thought of myself as someone who struggled with negative self-talk, but after a year of F#**ing First Times as Brene Brown so lovingly calls the challenges of doing something we have never figured out before, I think many of us have come up against this feeling more often.
More than ever before, I have had to dig deep and learn new coping mechanisms to find my center. I have learned that stopping myself and countering the messages with three of my strengths as a mother is quite effective. I’ve learned that I can’t do it all. And that the reality is no one can, that we all have our strengths, and we all have our struggles. That comparing your struggle to someone else’s strength is futile. And I’ve learned to talk to that voice and gently remind her that perfection is not the goal, that sometimes failure is ok too. And from this trial by fire lack of time for self-care I’ve learned to recognize when a little more care is needed. I’ve learned (the hard way) that taking time for myself and nourishing myself is truly essential for the well being of our entire family.
It was Nieszche who said “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, and Mamas I do believe that we are coming out of this more resilient, more able to handle life’s unexpected blows, and hopefully with finally a little more compassion for ourselves than ever before.
So as the brunches, bouquets and (much needed) massage and pedicure gift certificates begin again, remember that the greatest Mother’s Day Gift of all is the one only we can give ourselves-grace.
With love,
Rebecca